im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
