Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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