Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
