Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
