I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
