Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
