i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
