I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
