good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
