I'd wear matching sweaters with you
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
