i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize