I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
