I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
