I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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