he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
