rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
