I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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