I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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