Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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