plz talk dirty to me
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
