he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
