She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
