My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
