idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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