I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
