I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
