Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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