No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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