She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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