Cold hands, warm shart.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Text me some of your sweat
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
