how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
the raccoons are back...
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