He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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