do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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