you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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