If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
