The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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