I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
