Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
