Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I look better un-naked...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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