Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
