I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
