***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
