capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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