She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
