It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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