I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
