We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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