Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
