I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
