I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is Oprah even human
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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