I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
