i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Let's paint friendship bongs
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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