just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
