Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My bed smells like the plague
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
