And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
