More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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