Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
