Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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