Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
