My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
