her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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