Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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