I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
