remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
