Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
