Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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