ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
