hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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