we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
