This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
