just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
