I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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