Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
