suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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