no, he came in my armpit
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize