we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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