1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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