i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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