Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
