from now on my penis is your penis
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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