let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
