dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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