I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
