Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
