Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
