Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
