Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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