I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
