in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
