the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
