Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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