All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
