It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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