the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Randomize
