i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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