Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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