i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
and you fell through a lawn chair
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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