I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
