Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
