never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
