then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize