He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
