You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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