Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
