You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Floor bacon is actually really good
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
