Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
