He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize