Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he was CRYING into my vagina
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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