Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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