So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
