I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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