this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
