Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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