i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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