You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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