I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
