nut hugger
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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