god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
