Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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