I like my sex mixed with concussions.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
