He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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