So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
